Lament.

It is strange how as a kid it looked so cool to be an adult.
I wanted it so bad and they had it all.
Now I am entering the realm and all I can do is to lament about my loss of innocence.

I feel like an orphan that had been robbed of its childhood and forced to be a pseudo-parent to the rest of the other siblings under its wing.

I used to like to say the coolest things to give adults the illusion that I was an adult in a kid's body.
Turns out that I have only just understood the stuff I loved to say. Not so cool any more.

Looking up at my elder sister, my cousins and relatives, I thought that the way to life comes right to you as an adult. I thought they had an adult's handbook or something.

Something that as a kid I wasn't allowed to read.

It didn't seem to arrive any time soon for me. At least not a physical copy.
I thought they had it all.

But it seems that even the ones I admire most are unsure of themselves, and their lives.
and sis says it is ok to be lost, as long as I am constantly trying to find my way.

But even as I am trying to find my own way...I had to pick up lost mates along the way.
Ironically, on my way, I manage to help them find theirs.

Some how I just can't find mine. I trip and I fall pretty often, too much by my standards.
Some times I feel it might be easy to just lay down, forever.
Maybe I just need some crutches. Or maybe I am handicapping myself.
Maybe I am stronger.

Every day is like walking on a road as thin and flimsy like a thread...
A long thread that threatens to snap if I lose the balance.

And right below me there are tons of alligators and snakes.
Yet all my dependants are on my shoulders.

The path looks really bleak,
Dims on me with every step...
Sometimes it even disappears.

But I am lucky to have some lucky stars lighting up my treacherous road.

Stars that comes and goes,
Stars that fades away.
Stars that appears in the darkest of times.

Dear stars, you know who you are. :)